Live Fast Die Free

I fear that it's coming back, and I know that if it does it's going to be worse because this time I can't push it to being a bout of adolescent rage. This time, it will be real. And this time, I could let it take me. I don't know what to do. I need to stop this but I can't and I don't know why I put up with this. I cry myself to sleep and wake up exhausted. I hate it and I can't do anything about it. You're not doing anything about it and I just can't explain to you that it's not just a thing that comes along with my period. You don't see it and you never will.

So it's exactly 3.48AM right now, and I'm typing this post out in my iPhone (thumbs up for technology!) in the dark. Sleep is eluding me, ironically. Just came by to say that in light of recent reorganizations in my life, I may be abandoning this space for greener pastures. Can't believe I've kept my LJ since my secondary school days. But I'd like to think that the time has come for a change. The only problem is...what should my new URL be?

And to you...My wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. That your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small, and that you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yes, this is my wish.

The sudden heat of the arvo has simultaneously brought about an unending wave of nausea and thirst, so much so that I'm now incredibly nauseous and disgustingly bloated (from chugging water) all at once. Not my best day, obviously. Autumn isn't supposed to be 35 degrees. 

And this law essay needs to be more interesting to write. I'm this close to banging my forehead against my MBP's keyboard in the hopes of getting something useful out. 

Subconscious physical attachment; my body refuses to sleep properly now without the knowledge that yours is by my side. Never attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention. Too late, Fitch. I like to think that people come into your life to change you, for better or for worse; I'm never quite the same person after a relationship (platonic or otherwise). I wonder how I'll change yours, sometimes. They say you're a diamond in the rough, so maybe I'm just the in-between, maybe my job is to polish you until you shine. And shine you will, brilliantly. Maybe then one day the rest of the world will see in you what I do, and then they'll understand. 

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life. We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing - but ambition is good, chasing things with integrity is good, dreaming. If you had a friend you knew you’d never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it, do it. Don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever. Make a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good, now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next memory, the next smile, the next wish come true. But, if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possiblity of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you wished for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it. So make your wish, do you have it? Good. Now believe in it with all your heart.”

Posted via LiveJournal.app.